I honestly don’t know where to begin.
I’m glad I wasn’t there when it happened, but I wish I had been there for you in your final days. You more than anyone probably knew how hard it is for me to deal with emotions and loss. I don’t know how you could tell, but whenever I was in pain, you’d always be there; even if I found it annoying and tried pushing you away at times, you still showed me nothing but love.
Fourteen years, that’s how long we had known each other. Of course, you knew that. To you, it had been almost your entire life. You were a little awkward at first when we adopted you into our family. You weren’t sure how to act, because before we got you, you had spent most of your life in a cage by yourself. You never wanted to be touched or held, though you knew you wanted some sort of attention. In a sense, I wonder if you were like me, in that you didn’t know how to feel about so much. Maybe that’s why you chose to be my friend instead of choosing my brothers. That or you just really liked my feather down comforter at the time…
Still, I remember that throughout the years, you’d always come into my room and jump onto my bed, giving your signature greeting meow. Even though you wouldn’t want me to pet you at first, you would still come up to the head of the bed and kneed the sheets, before going to the end of the bed to sleep. Over time, you came to be more social, or at least comfortable with me petting you, and in these later years, you’d annoy me constantly, despite it being 2 in the morning until I finally started to pet you. You wouldn’t let anyone pet you, even in your older years you still skirted away from guests and my brothers, and I don’t even know the last time my mom had pet you, but I knew that you would always let me pet you…
I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you in these last few months. With college and work, I was just never home enough to give you the attention you deserved. I wonder at times that if I had stayed home more and been there for you, that you’d have been in better health, that you’d be alive.
But there’s no sense in wishing for how things could have been. That’s in the past, and you’re gone now. You were my best friend, and I’ll miss you, Lena.
Rest in peace.